I love going out of my way to help people, but hate when people help me or give me gifts. I don’t know how to experience “pure” gratitude that isn’t overwhelmed by guilt.
In my second ever job, lawn care, a client wanted to give me a Christmas gift of some cash. I had a personal connection--I worked closely with their son in my first job.
I hadn't been offered a gift yet at work, and it felt wrong for some reason--I was young and naive. He insisted many times, and I refused.
When it was over, he seemed hurt, and he treated me in a less friendly way afterwards.
So that was how I learned the lesson. When someone wants to give you a gift, you accept it graciously. It's your duty.
My problem is, I feel bad if I don't put the gift to good use.
Couldn’t hurt, because you’re robbing others of the opportunity to help. And, frankly, you’re not alone, I constantly run into folks that feel the need to reciprocate or otherwise make it transactional.
I should probably talk to somebody about that…