I'll add my anecdote here. The framing at the beginning of this article is very interesting, and brought up my own relationship with my cousins.
>Despite being related by blood and commonly in the same generation, cousins can end up with completely different upbringings, class backgrounds, values, and interests. And yet, they share something rare and invaluable: They know what it’s like to be part of the same particular family.
This especially crystallized my thoughts. My aunt had 5 kids, and their family experienced a major traumatic event when I was too young to understand. They were all older than me, and the ripple effects of that event are still occurring ~ 40 years later. They all indeed had a completely different upbringing and class background than I. For a stretch of time into my adulthood it was hard to be around them, and we drifted apart, with apathy filling the space. We would avoid or ignore invitations and justify it by not wanting to experience the generally chaotic and haphazard experience of being in their company.
Largely by the efforts of one persistent sibling, we finally attended one family event with low expectations. I left that gathering with a completely revised perspective, and a heaping pile of shame. We hit it off right away, as if no time had passed, with the deep rooted familiarity of growing up together, with the same patriarchal/matriarchal role models and propagated personality characteristics. My thoughts while leaving that night were "these are my people". They implicitly understand. Their roughness is endearing, with absolutely no pretension whatsoever. Being older than me, they knew my recently deceased father for longer than I had, and it was very therapeutic to talk about him with people who knew him so deeply.
>Despite being related by blood and commonly in the same generation, cousins can end up with completely different upbringings, class backgrounds, values, and interests. And yet, they share something rare and invaluable: They know what it’s like to be part of the same particular family.
This especially crystallized my thoughts. My aunt had 5 kids, and their family experienced a major traumatic event when I was too young to understand. They were all older than me, and the ripple effects of that event are still occurring ~ 40 years later. They all indeed had a completely different upbringing and class background than I. For a stretch of time into my adulthood it was hard to be around them, and we drifted apart, with apathy filling the space. We would avoid or ignore invitations and justify it by not wanting to experience the generally chaotic and haphazard experience of being in their company.
Largely by the efforts of one persistent sibling, we finally attended one family event with low expectations. I left that gathering with a completely revised perspective, and a heaping pile of shame. We hit it off right away, as if no time had passed, with the deep rooted familiarity of growing up together, with the same patriarchal/matriarchal role models and propagated personality characteristics. My thoughts while leaving that night were "these are my people". They implicitly understand. Their roughness is endearing, with absolutely no pretension whatsoever. Being older than me, they knew my recently deceased father for longer than I had, and it was very therapeutic to talk about him with people who knew him so deeply.
Now I'll actually read the rest of the article.