patio11's answers are cute, but if you say things like that you'll probably just end up defending yourself against people's misinterpretations. "So you're a teacher?" or "You mean like a security guard?"
I think the best approach is a middle ground, rather than say what you are, or what the ultimate result is, just say what you _do_. "I build websites" or "I build iphone applications" or "I run servers and networks" is something accessible that people can comfortably take wherever they want, e.g. "what language?" or "oh, i just downloaded this cool app that ..."
His cute answer is safer than mine, which is "I rob banks."
You need to internalize something about marketing. When Patrick says, "I helped 2 million kids learn how to read", he has framed the conversation in terms of the value proposition he wants to talk about.
Statistically speaking, "nobody" cares about websites and iPhone applications. Moreover, virtually nobody --- even practitioners --- can tell the difference between someone who is good at building a website and someone who is working from a copy of "learn PHP in 3 hours". Saying what you "do" is a remarkably bad strategy.
If the thought of explaining the broad value you choose to provide to people produces cold sweats, my recommendation is "practice more".
Oh I'm not saying that those answers don't have their place. When you're at a bar or some industry event or chatting with someone in a compatible professional environment, sure.
I guess I was thinking more in line with the last person who asked me this a few days ago: the 52 year old no-nonsense guy carrying a 10 year old nokia who just painted my bedroom. "I helped 2 million kids learn how to read" would have gotten me an eyeroll and a handful more drips left behind. "I build websites" got us on a conversation on how he wants to start a youtube show with his hunting exploits.
Framing the conversation is important, but knowing your audience is just as much so :)
Maybe it's a cultural thing, but those lines don't sound cute, they sound like lies. At a minimum, they're embellishments. I don't understand this need to force people to know how valuable you are.
There are two ways to make people value you: 1) create value, or 2) create the perception of value.
Going around saying "I help 2 million kids to read" sounds like the latter. If you really did help 2 million children to read, and I'm not talking about putting a few words in front of them, but actually having a material impact on literacy levels of 2 million children, then I think your achievements would speak for themselves.
And software developers that make millions for a company in a weekend? Please. Not impossible, but I doubt that people who actually do this need to say it.
efsavage, I always used to use variations on your examples. They almost invariably lead to the other person going "Oh" and the conversation dying a grisly death, right there. They don't give anyone any "grit" they can use to get a good footing on a conversation.
patio11-type answers -- Cathedral Thinking answers -- otoh, open the doorway to conversation. They are the statement equivalent of open-ended questions.
I tend to tell people that I "help small businesses kick ass," which is def an accurate Cathedral Thinking answer, but lacks verve. Still looking for my perfect response.
I think the best approach is a middle ground, rather than say what you are, or what the ultimate result is, just say what you _do_. "I build websites" or "I build iphone applications" or "I run servers and networks" is something accessible that people can comfortably take wherever they want, e.g. "what language?" or "oh, i just downloaded this cool app that ..."