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I used to be exactly the person the article describes. Then I became an engineering manager. A year later, I cannot even recognize the old, people-pleasing me. Saying "no" by default, not jumping into commitments, pushing back on unreasonable demands (from both above and below) - all come so naturally to me now it's unbelievable.


> Then I became an engineering manager. A year later, I cannot even recognize the old, people-pleasing me

How did that transition happen? How was the first time as an eng manager, did you get bitten by saying Yes sometimes in the very beginning


Yes, many times. Part of it was just my non-understanding of software complexity and organizational dynamics beyond just working on the end tasks.


Software complexity -- has bitten me too.

e.g. it's amazing, I think, how things that seem like unimportant details sometimes can turn out to be 10 maybe 100 x more work than first thought




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